Recently a friend’s kitchen ceiling had a leak caused by the faulty air conditioner of the condo above. To cut a long story short the insurance company of the condo above refused to pay (because the problem was not caused by their negligence). His insurance company paid up but he had to pay the deductible and the chances are that they will raise his insurance even though he was an innocent party.
So here he was negotiating with a contractor to fix his missing kitchen ceiling (it was a major leak and half the ceiling is down). I told my friend that I had a way of saving him some money. My friend who knew I had a doctorate in clinical hypnotherapy was skeptical. He said, “Your magic technique may work for you. You know how to persuade people. I don’t.”
I told my friend the system was simple and anyone could use it. It entailed remembering seven words. So my friend asked me what those words were and here are those seven magic words:
Is that the best you can do?
That’s it. Whenever someone gives you a price just say those seven magic words and wait. There’s a tiny chance that the person replies that it is the best and you have lost nothing at all. But chances are the person will do better. If you wish you can repeat that a few times until you get the answer, “That is the best I can do.”
In case of my friend the price came down from $700 to $500 and both my friend and the contractor were happy (remember you wish to get a bargain but you want a win-win solution so the other person is happy too). Also remember everything, everything is negotiable – at most they will say no we cannot change (the price, delivery date, color or whatever).
Talking about magical words here are the most persuasive words in the English language.
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Forty four years ago I was nineteen – I was at university in London, England. I drank a huge amount of beer, ate badly (whatever was there – actually I never thought about health), I walked a lot (you do that in Europe) and I weighed about one hundred and fifty pounds (ten stone, ten). I played rugby once a week. I drove like a maniac and basically didn’t care about anything (other than girls that is).
I became progressively less fit in my twenties as my exercise levels went down – especially once I arrived in California. Nobody walks in LA. So eventually I had to join a gym. I was running on surface streets about six miles a day five days a week. And of course rather than get healthy – I ended up with a hairline fracture in one of my knees and both hurt. For a while I was fit but given that I was damaging myself I was not healthy. I drank a lot of wine and even though I exercised a lot my weight was going up – I cannot remember by how much.
Thirty years ago – I was exercising but perhaps less. What I do remember is that my weight was about one eighty.
Twenty years ago I weighed one ninety – my maximum weight.
Ten years ago I started getting serious about becoming healthy. It was about this time that I started giving seminars on weight management and weight loss. I cut down the amount of alcohol I drank. My weight hovered between one sixty to one seventy.
And, today a month before my sixty third birthday, I weigh between one fifty five to one sixty two. my waist size is the same as it was forty years ago. I weigh slightly more but that’s because I have way more muscle mass today.
I now manage my weight tightly and am very aware of it. This is a secret of those who control their weight. We use the scales (and how well our clothes fit) as feedback mechanism and take action if our weight goes up above a narrow range.
I eat a mostly vegetarian diet with plenty and plenty of fruits. I eat about ten portions of fruits and vegetables daily. I consume huge amounts of fiber and am as regular as the Big Ben in London. I drink huge amount of tea (black, green, oolang, and herbal teas of all kinds). I eat lots of non-fat plan yogurt and tofu. I make sure I consume plenty and plenty of water based and lipid (fat) based antioxidants (natural and supplements).
Most importantly I have a positive attitude toward life and have fun. I do not adhere to the tenants of any formal religion, but am extremely spiritual. If I have to put a term on my religion I’m a very liberal Muslim. I love the Sufi’s from my own tradition and Zen Buddhism but basically I note that the mystical traditions in all religions talk about the same things.
The point is that medical research has shown that people who are sure of their religion and/or spirituality (or lack thereof) are healthier than those who are less committed to a belief system. Thus atheists are just as healthy 9from the aspect of the effect of faith on health) than any other true believer. But if you partially believe you do not get that health benefit.
By the way most people think I’m in my mid forties but that could (does have) something to do with my genes. OK at this time you cannot do anything about that – in time perhaps you can do something about it. But you can do something about the things you take in (food and thoughts). You can change your attitudes. You can keep your health. You can keep your youth no matter what your age.
I’ll write more about the above issues (exercise, what you eat and other environmental effects, mental effects including spirituality) in later posts.
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We have all seen those freecreditreport ads on TV. They are well made funny and effective.
What you may not realize is that when you join you are automatically enrolled in a credit monitoring program at $14.95 a month unless you cancel the subscription within seven days.
BBB (the better business bureau) has received more than ten thousand complains.
To get a genuinely free credit report go here. You can check your credit once a year freely from each of the three credit companies. Since you get a free report only once a year it is best to get one now, and one every four months from the other credit rating companies:
- Equifax
- Experian
- TransUnion.
From the anual credit report site:
Fight identity theft by monitoring and reviewing your credit report. You may request your free credit report online, request your report by phone or request your report through the mail. Free credit reports requested online are viewable immediately upon authentication of identity. Free credit reports requested by phone or mail will be processed within 15 days of receiving your request.
The site has a great informative FAQ (frequently asked questions) here.
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This is just about the only one my blogs that I have not mentioned that I’m going through the workbook of A Course in Miracles.
Today is day nineteen (I started the first day of November) and the thought for this day is I am not alone in experiencing the effects of my thoughts.
The first few days doing the workbook didn’t make much difference to my attitude but recently my attitude has changed way for the better. As I let go of small (and sometimes even large) upsets, life becomes so much better.
The vicissitudes of life happen no matter what we do or think.
At times a pipe breaks and there is a major or minor leak in your house (happened to me twice within forty five days recently neither caused by my condo but I suffered with no recourse)…
At times you are late and the traffic keeps getting worse and worse…
At other times – well this happened to me today – I updated a piece of software and did not realize that I was supposed to back up the database and lost about eight hours of work – much worse still a neighbor who is an active feisty eighty three years old lady upgraded to Windows 7 and her computer died on her - it cost her $400 to make the computer work again and recover her files…
As the Buddha said, “Life is suffering.”
Or in the American vernacular, “Sh… happens.”
So the question is how to deal with all the things that happen?
Have a positive attitude.
And the bigger question is how to have a positive attitude?
Accept whatever is – do not prejudge – the world is not against you – you are not the target. As I wrote in the previous post give yourself loving kindness and forgive yourself.
And most importantly smile, smile, smile…
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I’m reading a book by Albert Ellis and Emmet Velten called Optimal Aging: Get Over Getting Older
. I opened it randomly and came to a page which had: Accept and forgive yourself unconditionally. It also mentioned shame attacking exercises.
This was a piece of synchronicity because forgiveness is the linchpin of my change work and Transformative Imagination practice. The synchronicity come from the fact that I recently wrote about the shame we feel.
Here is the shame attacking exercise of Albert Ellis:
You basically select something safe (does not get you into trouble) that would shame you in the public. The safe means don’t go around in the public naked or pick someone’s pocket no matter how much it would shame you, but do pick your nose in the public or wear different color socks and show it obviously.
Dr. Ellis writes that thousands of people have done this shame attacking exercise and at first feel great shame and then the shame disappears. To quote from the book, “[they] feel at first somewhat ashamed or humiliated. But when they keep doing them, they often lose practically all sense of shame, and even greatly enjoy the process.”
As you let go of your shame (which comes from the fact that you were once a vulnerable child and had to be stopped from hurting yourself so your parent kept telling you no and shaming you), you can accept yourself and love yourself unconditionally.
This lets you experience the miracle of forgiveness first hand.
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It’s always smart to manage your spending wisely. In today’s economic mess cutting costs is even more important. So today it is especially important to spend less so you can have more money to pay essential bills or to add to a savings account you can tap in an emergency.
Here are some cost cutting strategies:
Take a serious look at your spending.
As a first step, think about creating a spending plan, commonly known as a budget. Make a list of your monthly expenses divided into two groups — your “real needs” and your “unnecessary wants.” The needs are expenses that are absolutely necessary, such as your housing, utilities, needed clothes, food and transportation. The wants are optional purchases.
There is quite a lot if overlap between needs and wants. You may need to buy some clothes but the more fashionable expensive clothes may be a “wanted” luxury. One great question to ask yourself before buying anything is, “do I really need this?”
Possible places to cut back on unnecessary spending include restaurant meals, monthly subscriptions and premium TV channels. However, there are many opportunities to save on your necessities:
You can buy used, buy in bulk (perhaps pooling with a few others so you don’t buy too much), take public transportation or car pool, buy from outlet stores. And you really don’t need that expensive store bought coffee. You can make coffee at home and take it with you.
Moreover, very important, don’t use your credit card or other loan products to buy things you really can’t afford. This both individually and as a country is what has got us into our current financial troubles.
Keep your banking costs down. If you routinely pay bank fees, shop for a different account that meets your needs at a lower cost. Also review your banking habits to cut unnecessary fees. For example, use your own bank’s ATMs for cash withdrawals instead of going elsewhere and paying a surcharge, and keep close tabs on your checking account balance to avoid bounced checks, which can be costly.
Also, ask your credit card company to consider lowering your interest rate, particularly if you have a relatively good payment history and could qualify for a lower rate elsewhere. Also pay as much as you can as soon as you can. It will mean you’ll pay less interest and avoid late fees.
Be careful before cutting insurance coverage. It’s important to have adequate insurance, especially for life, health, disability, personal liability, and coverage of property. While it’s a good idea to review your insurance coverage every year or so and not carry more coverage than necessary, think twice before trying to save money by dropping insurance coverage.
All it takes is one illness or auto accident to realize the importance of having adequate insurance.In fact you may think about having an umbrella policy which will protect you against being sued if you have many assets which need insurance.
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The other morning my wife and I got our seasonal flu shots. I asked the pharmacist who was giving us the vaccination how about the swine flu (H1N1) vaccine. She said that we were of lower risk than younger people since we were over sixty years old and had developed some immunity toward this strain of influenza virus.
As the H1N1 vaccine becomes available children and people working in the health care industry (nurses, doctors and so on) are the first to receive the vaccine and then others will be able to get the vaccine as more becomes available.
According to the FDA (federal drug administration):
People with severe or life-threatening allergies to chicken eggs, or to any other substance in the vaccine, should not be vaccinated.
In the ongoing clinical studies, the vaccines have been well tolerated. Potential side effects of the H1N1 vaccines are expected to be similar to those of seasonal flu vaccines.
For the injected vaccine, the most common side effect is soreness at the injection site. Other side effects may include mild fever, body aches, and fatigue for a few days after the inoculation. For the nasal spray vaccine, the most common side effects include runny nose or nasal congestion for all ages, sore throats in adults, and — in children 2 to 6 years old — fever.
As with any medical product, unexpected or rare serious adverse events may occur.
Remember that children will need two swine flue vaccinations to develop immunity. One ought to suffice for older people. As for people over sixty – I think even though we do have some immunity toward the H1N1 strain we may wish to get further immunized by getting vaccinated once there are large enough supplies to go around for all who want them.
Remember to protect yourself and others against flu and other contagious illness:
- Cover your nose and mouth with a tissue when you cough or sneeze. Throw the tissue in the trash after you use it.
- Wash your hands often with soap and water, especially after you cough or sneeze. Alcohol-based hands cleaners are also effective.
- Avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth. Germs spread that way.
- Stay home if you get sick.
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Here some irrational beliefs are (the generalizations and must’s and should’s capitalized):
- Old people HAVE TO act exactly like young people. They HAVE TO be young people.
- I am TOO old to change.
- I have ALWAYS done it this way, and that means I will ALWAYS do it this way (”I’yam what I’yam” Popeye the sailor man).
- I MUST behave my age.
Here are some questions to counter the irrational beliefs:
- Who says or according to whom?
- Have you changed anything at all recently?
- Have you learned anything new recently? Have you learned a new word or telephone number?
***
“You can’t teach an old dog a new trick!” Maybe so. I wouldn’t know. But, I really don’t care. I’m not a dog – you are not a dog – you, like me, are a human being.
And research has demonstrated that old people can learn and when we spend time learning new things and continuing our education not only our brains remain younger but our bodies remain younger too. We remain more healthy and have a happier more satisfying life.
In fact in the seminal book: Aging With Grace: What the Nun Study Teaches Us About Leading Longer, Healthier, and More Meaningful Lives
we see that elder people can have a very active mind and when we use our brains we age more slowly.
I know so many people who get degrees (first, second, third or even fourth degrees) after retirement – often just for fun. It is interesting that these end up being some of the best students as they have the wisdom to learn better….
***
Modern brain research has demonstrated that our neurons can grow and make new synapses at any age. It is true that the rate of growth may slow down but the growth does not.
Another myth is based on the fact that we are losing thousands of brain cells each day. This is because there is so much redundancy in the brain and losing some brain cells may be the brains natural way of making new pathways and learning new thing – that is to say because some old unneeded ways are lost there is room made for new ways proving that:
Old people can change!
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I’m starting to read a wonderful book by Albert Ellis, Ph.D. and Emmet Velten Ph.D.
It is called Optimal Aging: Get Over Getting Older.The book is about the topic of this website and is written from the point of view of Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) which is related to cognitive behavioral therapy.
I opened the book on a random page and got to a section about the myths of aging. I’m going to write posts about each one of these myths and other aging myths that I come upon. The first myth is:
Younger is better – older is worse
The book gives possible irrational beliefs: I HAVE TO be young! It’s awful to age. In REBT two of the major irrational beliefs which need be countered to live a happy life are “have to’s” and “awfulizing.” These show themselves in “musts,” “shoulds” and other commands to yourself and others.
The authors suggest a rational rebuttal: “Being alive is better! The key to happiness at any age is attitude.”
I wish to add simple examples where being older is better. We can start with wine where good wine becomes better with age. Next let’s examine being young and inexperienced. There are many things that you cannot legally do until you reach a certain age.
In fact think about it. Our health care system sucks (technical term) until we reach the age of 65 and can get government sponsored health insurance (medicare).
In the East many mystical systems would not allow one to practice until one had lived a full life and done one’s duty to the secular world by getting married, having children and getting over the games of the ego (power, wealth, fame) and then one could turned truly toward the Spirit (infinite intelligence, God) and practice loving kindness.
I know that when I was young I did many stupid things and now I do way fewer. I’m more balanced and moderate in all things. But as the authors of the book wrote, the most important factor of how you age is your attitude. When you have an optimistic point of view and practice life long learning, a sense of adventure, believe in loving kindness and forgiveness, and all together laugh a lot and have fun from simple things (watching a sunset, going for a walk in the park, visiting a museum) you will age gracefully and you’ll know that each moment of your life (in the here and now) is the best in spite of al ups and downs…..
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Don’t believe everything you read, hear, see – and I’m not talking about the pack of lies disseminated by Sarah Palin and other agents of greedy insurance companies which deny us health benefits when we need then while charging us exorbitant fees – I’m talking about good things said by decent well meaning people.
There are a lot of unchecked data in the “new age” alternative medicine fields. People hear or read things over and over and end up believing and repeating. Eventually the misinformation becomes “Gospel truth.” I want to give a couple of examples of things which are wrong:
The hundredth monkey phenomenon – you may have heard the story. Some Japanese researchers were investigating the behavior of some monkeys. I’ll give a small quote from Ken Keys book on the subject:
The 100th Monkey
A story about social change.
By Ken Keyes Jr.
The Japanese monkey, Macaca Fuscata, had been observed in the wild for a period of over 30 years.
In 1952, on the island of Koshima, scientists were providing monkeys with sweet potatoes dropped in the sand. The monkey liked the taste of the raw sweet potatoes, but they found the dirt unpleasant.
An 18-month-old female named Imo found she could solve the problem by washing the potatoes in a nearby stream. She taught this trick to her mother. Her playmates also learned this new way and they taught their mothers too.
This cultural innovation was gradually picked up by various monkeys before the eyes of the scientists. Between 1952 and 1958 all the young monkeys learned to wash the sandy sweet potatoes to make them more palatable. Only the adults who imitated their children learned this social improvement. Other adults kept eating the dirty sweet potatoes.
Then something startling took place. In the autumn of 1958, a certain number of Koshima monkeys were washing sweet potatoes – the exact number is not known. Let us suppose that when the sun rose one morning there were 99 monkeys on Koshima Island who had learned to wash their sweet potatoes. Let’s further suppose that later that morning, the hundredth monkey learned to wash potatoes.
THEN IT HAPPENED!
By that evening almost everyone in the tribe was washing sweet potatoes before eating them. The added energy of this hundredth monkey somehow created an ideological breakthrough!
But notice: A most surprising thing observed by these scientists was that the habit of washing sweet potatoes then jumped over the sea…Colonies of monkeys on other islands and the mainland troop of monkeys at Takasakiyama began washing their sweet potatoes.
Thus, when a certain critical number achieves an awareness, this new awareness may be communicated from mind to mind.
Although the exact number may vary, this Hundredth Monkey Phenomenon means that when only a limited number of people know of a new way, it may remain the conscious property of these people.
But there is a point at which if only one more person tunes-in to a new awareness, a field is strengthened so that this awareness is picked up by almost everyone!
From the book “The Hundredth Monkey 
” by Ken Keyes, Jr.
The actual facts were totally different. There was no breakthrough point. The adults learned earlier than the youngsters and most importantly there was no magical transference of this behavior from one island to the otters and yet the story is a great myth as applied to human beings.
In fact given normal communication between people fads start and if enough people smile and talk about peace we are likely to have more people smiling and talking about peace. By the way I love Ken Keyes Jr. and his ideas. I love his books especially these two:
Handbook to Higher Consciousness 
: by Ken Keyes Jr.
Handbook to Higher Consciousness: The Workbook : A Daily Practice Book to Help You Increase Your Heart-To-Heart Loving and Happiness 
by Ken Keyes Jr.
I have bought many copies of the first book and given them away to friends and was not criticizing Ken, but just saying that there is a lot of nonsense in the new age movement as well as a lot of good. You have to learn to use your brain and think for yourself. That is healthy skepticism.
While I’m writing about blindly accepting something because you read it in a book, internet, hear it in a seminar or something I want to give a couple of examples of how wrong facts can be disseminated by the best and most well meaning people.
I was listening to one of my favorite authors Wayne Dyer when I heard him talking about the hundredth monkey phenomenon described above. I had already done some research on this and knew that the real research was different. At first I became angry at my hero Wayne for not doing his research.
Then I thought that the best way is to accept the good and forget the problematic parts of an authors work. Here are some excellent books by Wayne Dyer:
Excuses Begone!: How to Change Lifelong, Self-Defeating Thinking Habits 
by Wayne W. Dyer.
No Excuses!: How What You Say Can Get In Your Way 
by Wayne W. Dyer.
Change Your Thoughts – Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao 
by Wayne W. Dyer.
Later, I heard about one of my other mentors Anthony Robbins say that the word desire comes from the Latin De Sire “from the father.” Now even with my high school Latin this sounded a little fishy to me. so I looked up the etymology of desire. In fact it is derived from: Middle English, from Anglo-French desirer, from Latin desiderare, from de- + sider-, sidus heavenly body.
I was wondering where did Tony get this wrong idea. I heard another new age guru say this same statement in a cassette published in the seventies. My own guess is that she got it from someone much earlier.
Time of Your Life: 3 Ways to Take Control of Your Life 
by Anthony Robbins.
Actually this repetition of wrong data happens everywhere. When I was doing my bachelor degree in chemistry in the sixties I heard about a mistake in a major text book which had been known about since 1914 but kept being repeated in edition after edition of the text book and copied into other text books.
So all these undergraduates would learn the wrong equation only to discover the truth if they did graduate studies in chemistry. I would not be surprised if the mistake did not still exist in undergraduate texts nearly s century after being first discovered.
This problem is even worse today with internet and the democracy of information. Buyer be aware really comes into its own in case of information derived on internet. Here, a lie or unintentional factual mistake is passed from site to site to site until it takes a life of its own and becomes “true.”
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